Redeemed Through Grace
June 19, 2025
"For I am the least of the apostles, not worthy to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." – 1 Corinthians 15:9-10
I am not always proud of who I am or the decisions I make. I often indulge in unholy vices, anger easily, and avoid intimacy because I'm much more comfortable being on my own and not responsible for anyone else's emotions. In the past, I have been accused of being somewhat of a "mean girl," someone who is full of themselves, unempathetic to other people's concerns, and solely interested in building connections to climb my way up a social ladder. None of these things are entirely true, but I do see where the criticism is coming from.
While I have never blatantly screwed anyone over to get to the top, I am guilty of placing relationships on the back burner to prioritize an individualistic agenda. School and work were always more about professional development than forming a social circle, and I can admit that I've missed out on some wonderful people and experiences by keeping my mind focused on the hustle. What I saved by being disciplined, goal-oriented, and conservative, I lost in joy, authenticity, and community.
I became successful, lonely, and resentful, thus becoming a mean girl I couldn't recognize. Maybe not in a bully, Regina George way, but in a disgruntled George Jefferson sense, stomping around, upset as a result of the consequences I faced due to the bridges I burned – intentional or otherwise.
Like Paul, I've historically been a less-than-exemplary friend, the "least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church of God (God's people)."
"Still, by God's grace, I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain." All the experiences God led me through drew me closer to His love and formed me into someone who better reflected His image. I've learned many lessons about who I am, how to take accountability, who to trust, when to be quiet, how to love, and how to move forward.
It's never fun knowing you caused someone else pain. No one wants to be the villain in anyone else's story, but I'm realizing that God's compassion and forgiveness require us to break free from our self-inflicted psychological prisons. To walk in the fullness of our redemption in Jesus Christ, we must accept the gift of salvation by operating in genuine freedom – divorcing ourselves from the past, honoring our newfound wisdom, and trusting God to direct our next steps.
We'll never have it all together or make up for our mistakes, but I'm thankful we have a savior who invites us to be resurrected with him through faith. Therefore, we must strive to live forever changed in gratitude for God's grace. Despite everything I've done and been through, God's still on my side. I have everything I need plus more. He's helping me pick up the pieces of my tortured soul, and he's guiding me to how I can be better in the future.
All in all, I can't complain, which is the transformative power of God's grace. It emboldens you to get up and fight again, to have the audacity despite adversity, to live confidently for God's glory no matter what.
